My kid bit another kid
My son has four teeth—and he uses them all.
His top two just came in over the last couple of weeks, which is also when he started biting. He’s only one, so it’s not like he’s doing it with malice or even full awareness (though I’d swear partial awareness is sometimes there!). Still, he’s doing it, and it sucks.
I have read all about how to handle biting babies; basically the goal is to avoid big reactions (he thinks “OUCH!” is hilarious) and to calmly but firmly remove him and say “no biting.” I’m also supposed to give him teething toys to gnaw on instead, but he’s dismissive of those.
Anyway these tactics work more or less when grown-ups administer them. But the other day my baby bit a little kid. Hard.
Thank goodness he didn’t draw blood but oh my god the shame I felt upon seeing my precious child’s teeth marks—all four of them, very deeply indented into the forearm of another toddler. The other toddler was my friend’s son, which was good because I had someone to text later when I couldn’t shake off my unease.
My friend was really nice about it, and intellectually I knew everything was fine. She was right—this is what kids do. But emotionally, I felt fear that wanted to become panic. Like, what if he gets more aggressive? What then?
And that’s when I noticed my brain was crossing wires. My fear was saying that if my kid bites, he is irrevocably bad. But my fear was also using the standards we have for dogs. Because when a dog bites kids, well, that’s kind of it for the dog, you know? And I have known multiple dogs who bit.
But my kid is not a dog. There will be no terminal consequences for his biting behavior, and also, because he is a growing human, his behavior can change.
And I’ll do everything I can to make sure it will. Because his bites really do hurt.
Love > fear,
(M)om
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